They say time heals all wounds. I've spent countless days, hours, weeks pondering this statement and how true it is. Time is a strange thing; it is both an enemy and a friend. I've found myself in situations where I thought I could never forgive someone for something they did...but months or years later, I find myself in a civil, friendly conversation with them. I find myself smiling and possibly even trusting that person again. I've also been in situations where I thought something or someone good would be in my life forever, but after time, those feelings have gone sour.
Time heals all wounds. But does it really? Even in those friendly conversations where I let my guard down with someone who has hurt me, the back of my mind brings events of the past to the surface. Not completely to the surface, but it seems to be a small memory that taints the present. Is this wound really healed? Or is the pain just subsided?
Perhaps it's not about a wound healing completely. Perhaps my wounds will never grow new skin in the place of the gashes it already has. Maybe time doesn't heal the wounds, but distances us from the pain the wound once caused. Time allows us to forget the intense and sometimes extreme emotions that come with the wounds we have, both physically and mentally. For example, after each tattoo, it only takes a few weeks for me to forget the immense pain I've felt before I am ready for a new one. Time allows the pain to subside bit by bit so our ordinary lives can continue, and when we encounter the same situation or person that wounded us, we've forgotten how terrible it once was. Time simply dulls the pain. Because shortly after my friendly conversation, and the emotional assailant of my past has left, my wounds still hurt. They start to pulsate, stir and singe again.
Maybe that just means that not enough time has passed. I'm young, and maybe not enough years have occurred for these wounds to heal. Maybe in ten more, there will be a completely healed wound with no sharp pains when memories are revisited; maybe one day my wounds will be healed with the faint scar of the memory with no emotional strings. Maybe time really does heal all wounds, and I just need to let more of it pass.
But I am fairly certain I just don't believe that. Those wounds are what help us remember the lessons we've learned. Our intense emotions and experiences are what make us human and what makes us individual. If time heals all of the bad things that have happened to us, what have we gained? To me, it just seems like a way to marginalize our own experiences, our thoughts in that moments, and our beliefs. Some wounds are deep and powerful. They are reminders to me of how I change. Sometimes, they are reminders to me of how important my ideas and convictions are. I don't want those to heal and go away. I want them to stay with me as reminders of who I am.
Maybe what I'm really unsure in this phrase is not time, but the concept of healing. What does it mean for a wound to be "healed"? Does it mean it seems like it never existed? Does it simply mean it doesn't hurt anymore? Or does it mean that you remember it, but the pain has subsided just enough to deter you from being in a situation that caused the wound in the first place? How do you heal from wounds that you couldn't avoid?
I think I have come up with more questions than ideas here, once again, but I guess that's what thinking is all about. Coming up with questions is sometimes half of the battle.
No comments:
Post a Comment